Are you ready for adoption?
Naturally, one of the basic needs of people is to start a family and have children.
Adoption is a normal way to fulfill this need, just as birth and none is better or more special than the other. However, this does not mean that adoption is the right way for anyone to become a parent.
The adopted children have special emotional and physical needs, as a result the adoptive parents must assume the obligation and willingness to be near them in any situation, unconditionally. The trauma of losing their biological family is felt by all children, regardless of the age at which this event occured, that is why adoptive parenting is different from natural parenting. These experiences can be overcome with patience, love and more realistic expectations of ourselves and of the child in terms of adaptation, and, if needed, with psychological or group support.
In order to have an easy adoption process is necessary to get rid of the limiting beliefs and look at parenthood from a different perspective. It is also necessary to be able to accept and solve your own emotional needs and to be sure that adoption is not just a solution through which you can fill your own spiritual gaps.
In order to be able to take care of your child, you must take care of yourself!
Solve your own childhood dilemmas, trauma, needs, overcome the grief caused by infertility or miscarriage or a child, because intense experiences and feelings will follow, which will be hard to avoid. It is very important to be aware of them and you will be able to overcome them more easily if you consider them normal and you become aware that others are going through similar situations. No matter how much you read and document yourself, nothing can prepare you emotionally for your and your child’s reactions, regardless of age. Always remember that you accepted a huge challenge and that you have basically 'instantly' become parent. It's possible to become familiar with feelings of guilt ("Did I take the best decision? Did we do the right thing?'), depression or panic. Talk to other adoptive parents about all these and share your experiences, it will help tremendously.
Where's the harmony?
Children with trauma create a shield around them, so they will hardly show they need your love; it is even possible that they will refuse you presence in their lives in the first months. Once having their vulnerability wounded, you will need patience and plenty of dedication to enter their raptured souls. The challenge is even greater when the adopted child is 2 or 3 at the adoption moment (walks, talks, has fresh memories), but this does not minimize the benefits of adopting a child over that age.
Future without past?
To build things in a healthy way, it is necessary to accept all the details of the adoption and the child’s past. Talk to your child about his past through short 'stories' and when he wants to. Even though the information may be little and partial at the moment, once digested, the child will return with questions to complete his/her own puzzle from his/her mind.
This is how you help the child to gain self-confidence and develop a sense of identity.
This is how you help the child to be whole near you.