He/She resembles very much to you.
The adopted child belongs to his/her parents, the ones who care for him/her, love him/her and give him/her the safety of a family. On hearing this kind of opinions about his/her resemblance to the adoptive parents, the child will feel that he/she would really be part of the family only if he/she were biological. In addition, identity problems can develop, although the most important is the relationship between parent and child, and not the blood relation.
Where did you get the baby? How did you choose your baby?
Others should be aware that a child cannot be choosen as in the market. His/her value is not given by the child’s features, skin color or health.
A better approach might be: "I would love to hear your great story!"
This is a more tactful way to learn the story of the child if the parents want to share.
Was it expensive? How much did it cost?
Adoption is expensive indeed, but not in the usual, financial sense. The emotional part is the "expensive" one, because of steps needed to be taken up to the point of having a child: preparing the documentation, matching with the baby and all that follows.
A more appropriate question might be: "What does usually the adoption process involve?"
The question is more accurate and clearer, in addition parents may immediately understand the interest in costs, time and resources invested in the adoption process.
What if the child's parents come to take him/her back? What if they want the child back?
If we talk about an adopted child and not about one in foster care, these "alternatives" do not exist.
How lucky the child is! Maybe now you will conceive.
Most adoptive parents have a history of many years of infertility. This pain is felt as a loss followed by the decision to adopt. However, the parents are considered to be the lucky ones, not the adopted children. Adoption is not a magic act hoping that pregnancy occurs.
A more appropriate question might be "Have you thought about a brother or sister to Mary?"
Do not adopt. I've heard bad things about adoption.
The adoption decision is related to a number of factors relevant to the family only. This decision is calculted and planned by its members. Even if a person has heard about a failed adoption should, that person should not generalize. Just as you do not talk to a pregnant woman about the possibility of miscarriage, neither should someone discuss adoption in negative terms. The best attitude is to support those who have decided to choose adoption.
Ask sincere questions
If you have friends who want to adopt or you have someone from your family in this situation, be prepared to hear people talking with joy about adoption. Ask sincere questions, but avoid biased, inquiring or disturbing inquiries, which could make the adoptive parents close the conversation. Remember that no matter in which way a woman becomes mother, she remains a mother, regardless of how the child came into her life.
Bob Considine, American writer and commentator, once said:
"I have four children. Two were adopted. I forget which two."